My rant about teething

Why can’t babies cut teeth in utero? I mean, I know they won’t be nearly as cute with a mouthful of little chicklet teeth, but it would make this stage of parenting so much easier. Besides cutting teeth, babies are so freaking cute at this age. For one, they think you’re the most amazing person in the whole world and smile while doing a little wiggly dance everytime they see you.  They also laugh with their whole bodies at the silliest stuff, and they give the most adorable and slobbery open mouth kisses. We could have that awesomeness every day if it wasn’t for stupid baby teeth. Oh and I can’t forget to mention, the napping and sleeping schedule is amazing at this stage, but then those growing teeth have to rear their ugly head and screw that up for us too. Come on!


You know it’s bad when you cry over peanut butter toast. Poor Chicken!


Not only does teething suck big time, but what’s up with all these teething cures! I could spend a fortune on all the teething toys out there, but let’s be honest they work for like two seconds. Babies at this age get bored faster than you can hand them a new toy. Seriously, they have the attention span of a hyperactive puppy. I can give Chicken all the teething toys in the world, but she still prefers to chew on towels, magazines, and shoes. There really isn’t a whole lot of difference between a 10-month-old and a hyperactive puppy now that I think about it.


The banana toothbrush worked for a hot second


I have also tried breast milk popsicles. I don’t mind wasting a little bit of money, but my breast milk, now that’s just not okay! I was desperate. So I froze some breast milk in one of those little popsicle trays and gave it to her one day when she seemed particularly miserable, and of course, she showed zero interest. She just waved it around while she hollered in frustration. I don’t like to think very hard about my breast milk, like the fact that is a liquid that is produced from my body. Gross! Yes, I know it’s natural and beautiful, but it’s like hot dogs, I love them and eat them throughout the summer and occasionally at movie theaters, but if I want to continue enjoying hot dogs, I never think too hard about the process. So giving Chicken a popsicle of breast milk pushed the boundaries a little too far. Have you ever seen a baby eat a popsicle? They’re terrible at it! It melts everywhere and nothing actually ends up in their mouths. The popsicle just melted onto my carpet. Nothing is sadder than literally seeing your hard work lying in a puddle on the ground. I have three more in the freezer and might give it another shot, but it will be outside on a hot day by the pool. Fingers crossed the heat will make her want to eat it!

At what point, does giving your baby Tylenol every 4 hours day after day begin to cause major stomach problems? Actually, I don’t want to know the answer, because that is the only thing that seems to make her happy, and man, does she love it! I pull out the little magical syringe full of purple syrup, and Chicken waves her hands in excited anticipation. She sucks down the goop faster than a college kid doing a beer bong. 20 minutes later, I have my happy sweet baby back!

So f@#! you baby teeth for taking that adorable baby away every time you grace us with your presence. I mean just look at this video of this adorable peep-pie loving girl!



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